The stillness of solitude

So, this is what solitude gives you..stillness.

Calm on the outside, yet thoughts racing across times and events.
Frenzied mind wandering between things of the past and plans for the future.
This is what solitude gives you..stillness.

Darkness engulfs you, yet your day is brightened by those very thoughts.
Friends surround you, yet all you manage is to get lost in those very thoughts.
This is what solitude gives you..stillness.

Simple pleasures of life up for the takings, yet a wry smile is your best reaction.
Recognizing that love is the greatest feeling, yet the most cruelest.
This is what solitude gives you..stillness.

Feeling how easily things could have gone right, when they have gone wrong.
Realizing that life is so damn simple, when it is so damn complicated.
This is what solitude gives you..stillness.

~GNR

Random Thoughts

So this is where we end up.
Amidst nowhere, and everywhere.
So this is how we end up.
Amidst nothing, and everything.

They say,don't talk about you anymore, and i'll be fine.
But, I lay awake in this cold November night.
They say don't think about you and i'll be fine.
But, I am kept alive with your memories this cold November night.
They say, fight all your might and i'll be fine.
But, all fight goes in vain this cold November night.

I think about you and get that inexplicable freshness in me.
Yet, the very next moment your thoughts torment me.
I run far far away into the woods, but why does the ghost of you never leaves me?
Why does a part of me still says you and me were meant to be one?

PS: Written on Nov , 3rd 2008.
These are random pieces of thoughts collected over the entire day.

Women.

Some one rightly said "Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent" (Some one = Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche). I have been one among the unfortunate few who has'nt been in the company of too many woman. I am also one among the many losers who console themselves with the "I haven't met the right person" kind of talk..

When I heard the statement sometime back, I laughed at it. How can someone impact your life so deeply? But then I have come to realize that it is indeed possible. But the big factor for this impact is actually YOU. Yes, you heard it right. Its your own mind. I have been out of my previous relationship around 7 months back and now I feel I am in a great shape.I know about myself a lot better now. It feels great to be embracing life. Infact, more greedier than ever to make up for the lost time.

Now,the question that pops out of my 'rational' mind is , "Why did it take as long as 7 months?", "Why did I let someone effect me?". For that I have no answer. Neither I expect the answer to be revealed to me sometime soon. I have been through a lot of pep-talk ranging from the hedonic "Women are like local trains, you miss one. You get another one" to inspirational "Pursue it if you are truly interested" to the platonic "Let her free. If she is truly yours, she will come back". But trust me , none of this helps when you are really really down. Once again, the hero is YOU. Its in your own mind to perceive things in the right sense.

I now know that she has never loved me. Did i say so? NO. The lens of hindsight said so. She wouldn't have behaved the way she did, nor would've said the words she said if it was the other way around. It was one of a relationship that was never meant to be. What remains now are the deep etches on your psyche, more commonly called as 'memories'. I guess this post is turning out into more of a cry-baby "Oh No! I lost my girl" thingy. Forgive me for that, but that is not what I intend to do. So, I'll end the ranting here.

"cliched" as it may sound, I am still waiting for the right person to come along...and make my heart skip a beat(or two!). So, what am I going to do about it? Am I going to wait extra-time at the coffee machine, just that someone comes along and i can pick up a conversation? Or rather, am I going to ping random people on the social-networking sites and ask for dates? NO. I am going to go-ahead in my usual way,chin up, having no regrets about the past and looking dreamily ahead at the future and embrace life the way it should be embraced. I don't know if I will ever find the 'right person'. But I know this. Life is Beautiful.

Well, Pappu might dance; Hippopotamus can't.

First things first. Did i spell the hippo thing right ? I know that dance is way to express your state of mind and all that blah blah. But right now the situation with your boy is something like this.Your boy, all excited and all elated, goes to some dance practice and returns with disappointment written all over his face. So, yeah, you got it right. Hippo is me in this story.

I know that this is the first time I have done something like this and i am not supposed to be feel low, and i am supposed to take positives from it..that i have atleast given a try. But in my heart of hearts i know that this is just the beginning. I know i have the musical sense in me, its just getting conditioned to the tune and swinging to the rhythm. And i also know that expecting myself to perform in a theme dance , and pushing myself to synchronize with extremely conditioned dancers is a herculean task. Especially for a first timer like me. So, promptly after the first try , with the intention of not spoiling the group's rhythm, I quit. But this is just a good start for the dancer in me.

So, let the swinging and tapping rule the roost !!!